Archive for ‘Reviews’

December 28, 2010

**** Review of “Dark Water” (2006)

This British documentary damages the soul in the same way as Werner Herzog’s “Grizzly Man”, the 2005 documentary about a bear hugging half-wit who got himself gobbled up by a Grizzly. (Err..go back ONE sentence. Ready? SPOILER ALERT!)   Herzog freaked audiences out with bears and mental illness, “Dark Water” does it with a boat and crushing loneliness.

It’s a notable trend in recent documentaries. In the old days, documentaries might teach viewers something, like Civil War history or the emperors of Rome. Sometimes they’d offer a fascinating look at the subculture of early ’60s nudist colonies. Nature documentaries typically featured prancing squirrels and delightful vegetarian cougars named Chip and at the very worst, documentaries might kill a few hoop dreams, no more than that.  “Deep Water”, on the other hand, leaves viewers feeling bereft and hopeless, alone in the cosmos, shaking with existential dread, barely able to swallow their CheeseDoodles®

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December 24, 2010

** Review of “Syriana” (2005)

With this installment, the “Ocean’s Eleven” series is obviously running on fumes. Inexplicably named “Syriana”,  the usually debonair Danny Ocean (George Clooney) looks unkempt and alarmingly bloated as Clooney sleepwalks trough a pathetic performance, visibly hung over throughout the film.

The crew holding Clooney up for another take.


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December 21, 2010

* Review of “Inland Empire” (2006)


Yikes! That image scares us but frankly we don’t think David Lynch is even trying anymore. He freely admitted to everyone that would listen that he started filming “Inland Empire” without a screenplay, and sounded quite proud of himself. Go figure, because at the risk of sounding like uptight sticks-in-the-mud, we prefer movies WITH screenplays – that way we know what they are about. You see, we have found that when one do not follow a screenplay, one just ends up with an assemblage of…uh.. baloney (or is it bologna?) on the screen that does not make any sense.

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December 21, 2010

***** Review of “Cool as Ice” (1991)


“Cool as Ice” is a word to your mother. Indeed, a word to all our mothers and a long lost, aching masterpiece from 1991.

The prestigious “Razzie” Awards, bestowed annually by the Rasmussen Institute, we believe, fittingly gave their highest prize that year to this timeless, gut-punch of suburban street violence and teenage angst. Helmed by first time director David Kellogg, best known for his groundbreaking series of 7 Up commercials (“It’s like Sprite! YEAH BOII!”), “Cool as Ice” offers a searing look at troubled youth and biker justice. Punctuated with straight-from-the-hood musical authenticity, it eschews the typical Hollywood gloss and “keeps it real”, speaking to the tragic, historically hard to reach white homies.

Ice holding two of his Peabody Awards.

Original gangster/musical gadfly Vanilla Ice makes his stunning debut as the street-wise, rebellious biker masking his inner torment

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December 21, 2010

***** Review of “Showgirls” (1995)

 “Showgirls” is an epic masterpiece of epical, masterpiecical proportions. It’s two hours and eleven minutes of silver screen lightening captured in our jars.

Berkley licks at our hearts.

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